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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26824117">But that is not love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saramago/pseuds/Saramago'>Saramago</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018), Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Denial of Feelings, F/F, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:16:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26824117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saramago/pseuds/Saramago</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zelda understands that this is not just a show of respect for a stronger opponent, the way she looks at Lilith, the way the woman, without even realizing it, affects her, scares Zelda, and she will never tell anyone exactly how she feels, but there's also nothing she can do about the shivering and pleasant warmth that fills her body just looking at Lilith.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>But that is not love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been more than a month since all the secrets were revealed. Until now, Zelda was in a rage, how did she not understand who was in front of her, how did she not see the real face of this traitor? The face of someone who didn't even try to hide their power, helping them and extending a much-needed helping hand. People often says, that if you want to hide something, you should hide it in the most visible place, and it is true. Now the woman understood that not to pay attention to such a sharp change in behavior, and in appearance, Mary was their big mistake. Of course, she blamed her niece the most in this particular case. Neither Zelda, nor even the good-natured Hilda followed Sabrina's teachers. None of the Spellmans were really interested in mortals, not even Sabrina, although she tried to prove the opposite, but in this case, even the young witch, who could always justify herself, had nothing to say, because she completely ignored the strange behavior of the woman she saw every day. Zelda never said it out loud, but she always considered Sabrina's "love" to be selfish. Zelda Spellman knew what love meant, and what her niece did to her friends was not a manifestation of this beautiful feeling. Sometimes leaving someone's life is the greatest act of caring, and when you have the choice to turn the whole world of witches against you and reveal an age-old secret, or just disappear from the lives of a few teenagers, the choice is obvious. At least for Zelda. Was Harvey happy after his brother's resurrection? Did he want this? No, Harvey had accepted the fate of his loved one, but Sabrina wanted to correct her mistakes, because Tommy's death, although indirectly, was her fault. And no matter how much Zelda loved her, it was hard for a woman to understand how a person's life could be twisted like this. Yes, she wasn't any better, helping Edward put her niece's name in the book of the Beast, but it was Sabrina's father's decision, and it was the right one at the time, and it could have saved the girl, and Zelda sincerely believed it, but still the woman had time to regret her decision a million times, even though she would never admit it. And she began to regret it immediately after Edward's death, she blamed herself for being careless, she blamed herself for not asking why her brother had to write Sabrina's name in the book of the Beast earlier, the woman had more questions every day that she couldn't get answers to. And it was scary.<br/>
Zelda spent her entire life trying to understand the author's motives, and when the truth finally came out, the woman felt like a complete idiot. Many things immediately fell into place, but there are some questions that it is better not to know the answers to. Zelda had lost everything she believed in, she had lost her idols, her icons those whose faith was the meaning of her life, in adoration of which she spent most of her life, those for whom she had lived, but she dared not show this pain of disappointment. She couldn't even show her disillusionment with Lilith, who Zelda had always considered an ideal: a measure of truth and justice, impassive as Themis, graceful as Terpsichore, never a woman would dare to compare the mother of demons to Juno, vindictive and cruel just out of pride, no, Lilith was for her a wise and beautiful Minerva. And it was hard for Zelda to admit, even to herself, that she still felt the same way about Lilith… Even all the disgusting actions of the demon mother could not change Zelda's opinion of her, and now The woman is even more attracted to her. Of course, miss Wardwell's appearance was perfect for such a person, but it was just a moment to complement the image, a shell, pretty, bright, but nothing more. The way she spoke, the way she moved, the gestures, the unconscious ways and habits were what intrigued her most; the power that Zelda had felt since they first met was exciting, and miss Spellman put it down to the fact that she was so happy to meet an equal competitor, a wise and talented one, but now that the woman finally listened to her emotions and feelings, when she get to understand, recognized  the ancient power of Lilith, which she never hid, the blood in the witch's get to boiling just from just the presence of the demon mother nearby.<br/>
Zelda tried hard to convince herself that it was just an effect of ancient magic and not something else, and no, she certainly didn't feel hot just looking at Lilith, the way she said her name, the way the demon mother lightly touched her hand, drawing her attention… No, this was all hate, Zelda kept repeating to herself as she sat in the armchair next to the fireplace. The warmth from the fire enveloped the feet, and the wood crackled softly in the fireplace, making a pleasant sound and filling the room with the aroma of freshly burned wood. The glass in her hand had long since emptied, making the woman look even more relaxed. Zelda would have continued to sit like this, thinking about something of her own, if it wasn't for the noise in the hallway, she didn't even need to look to know who was there.<br/>
-Miss Spellman,-came a voice from the doorway.<br/>
-Good evening to you, too. І guess, that the rules of etiquette in hell are not popular,-the woman said ironically, because Madame Satan did not even consider it necessary to warn about what was coming. Zelda tried to be angry, she tried hard to make a displeased expression, but it didn't worked as soon as the woman looked at Lilith, in her eyes, on her hands, on her lips, a pleasant warmth enveloped Zelda's body. This warmth was not the same as the warmth from the fireplace, no, it was something soothing, familiar, like the feeling of returning home after a long absence. And miss Spellman hated the way Lilith affected her.<br/>
-Are you just going to stand in the aisle? You don't usually need an invitation,-Zelda quipped, genuinely surprised at Madame Satan's behavior.<br/>
-You think I don't know that you don't want to talk to me,-Lilith said as she walked into the room and sat down on the sofa.<br/>
-Believe me, I would have left your life long ago, but right now we have one goal-to keep Sabrina here, and I want us to work together. You are not the only who do hate Lucifer and want to get rid of him, I have no less reason to want him to be dead,-Lilith spoke without anger, in a normal tone, but one look from the mother of demons sent a shiver down Zelda's spine, she was even afraid to imagine what could make a woman so angry. Lilith sat motionless, like a statue in the garden of Medusa Gorgon, only her hand moved unconsciously, fiddling with a strange bracelet. It took Zelda a full five seconds to realize that Lilith was wearing a watch. Men's watch, with a thin leather strap. The tenderness with which the woman strokes the watch made it clear that it meant a lot to her. And such a simple action exasperated Zelda and she barely restrained herself from ripping off the watch and throwing it as far away as possible. She was not just angry at the movement, she was angry that Lilith was touching the clock so carefully, as if it contained her whole life, like in a talisman from a sorceress, but even more angry that the brunette would never touch like that. As soon as the last thought crossed Zelda's mind, she sobered up, explain everything her strange thoughts, her strange sensitivity, on the effects of alcohol. Especially now they had more important things to do.<br/>
-I can't tell you that I'm willing to do this without my family, we need work it out together,- Zelda said, turning the empty glass in her hand, concentrating only on it.<br/>
-You know there's no time, right? We don't have a second to lose. Lucifer is stronger by the second, and when he returns to his former power here on earth, when he can use all his strength, we will not be able to defeat him, -Lilith hissed angrily.<br/>
-Still hoping to take the throne? Before Lucifer told you that Sabrina would be the Queen of hell, you were happy to work with him, and not only work with him,- Zelda said, trying to prick him as hard as possible to vent her emotions.<br/>
Lilith's face changed after this speech, and her eyes reflected such pain and bitterness that Zelda immediately regretted her words and, trying to somehow make amends, the woman reached out to the mother of demons, wanting to calm her down. Normally, Zelda would never have done that, but it was her fault, and somewhere deep inside, in the deepest recesses of her mind, it hurt to see Lilith like this, and it hurt even more to be the cause of it. But as soon as Madame Satan realized what Zelda was going to do, she stiffened like a wounded animal preparing to attack, and as soon as she looked into miss Spellman's eyes, the woman seemed to come to her senses, knowing where she was and with whom.<br/>
-It's up to you to decide what to do, miss Spellman,-Lilith said, touching the dial again in a soothing motion.-That is none of your business, what my motives are is, but we have the same goal. In any case, remember that you and I don't have much time. Good luck.</p><p>And Lilith left, leaving Zelda alone, sitting in her chair until morning, thinking about the words of the mother of the demons. Lilith was right, miss Spellman knew it, and she also knew that it was a mistake to give in to her pride and not immediately accept a helping hand, they could not cope without allies, and Lilith had a lot of knowledge, after all, she had known Lucifer since the beginning of the universe, had been with him since time immemorial, after all, most of what the Spellmans have do, and all the witches and wizards in the world, brunette have created, And the more time passed since the departure of Madame Satan, the more Zelda regretted what she had done, that she had decided to stall for time, although she knew perfectly well that both Hilda and Ambrose would not mind the help of the mother of demons, Lilith was a strong ally, and even if you do not take into account the magical power of the woman, her experience, knowledge, skills were invaluable. Yes, of course, there was still Sabrina, who would do her best to resist the idea of Lilith being with them, but Zelda didn't care, her niece had already done enough wrong, what was her trick at the wedding worth.<br/>
The sun's rays were already entering the room through the light tulle, still faint, like life itself in the early morning, but they were growing stronger every minute, like the manifestations of life, the flowers blooming on the veranda, the dew-covered grass that was beginning to bend to the warmth of the sun, and the sounds of life themselves were becoming stronger, music replaced the silent night and here were already heard the nightingales singing their song, Hilda, which slammed the bathroom door, ready to face the new day. Zelda was lost in all this, lost in the world of her dreams, so ghostly, so light, and they were all accompanied by a deep blue, a low, haughty voice, and light, as if weightless, touches, she felt the warm breath on her cheek, and even now the woman was not sleeping all of the night, she just resting, but felt more rested than since the day of her wedding. But Zelda pulled herself away from thoughts of brown curls, thin wrists, and tired eyes, and she preferred to concentrate on the pleasant aroma from the kitchen, on the sound of running water from the tap, rather than think about the one who had burst into her life, turning everything upside down, the one who had broken everything stable in Zelda Spellman's life, and left behind only an incredibly deep, tightening like swamp, blue.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Я, в общем, не знаю какой недавние придумать, поэтому взяла название из песни, которую мы пели когда-то давно в университетском хоре. И с английским всё такие же проблемы в плане перевода, текст мне не особо сильно нравится, сложное дело, да и сам английский, как по мне, слишком груб</p></blockquote></div></div>
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